Find Yourself

Do you feel fulfilled with who you are today, at this moment? Not with where you are, but who you are? Or do you tell yourself, “there has to be more to me than this”?  I found myself wondering that very question a few years ago.  I had lost myself in the whole mom and wife role.  In the whole working mom role. In the whole “society says you should do this and that”.  I had all these voices telling me what and who I should be and when I failed at many things, it left me feeling like something was wrong with me.  I didn’t finish college, I could not seem to keep my house nice and tidy like those other moms. I struggled with organization.  I just could not seem to fit the piece of what all these voices were telling me.  I felt boxed in.  I felt like there had to be more to me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I loved being a mom and a wife.  But If I could not figure out who I was created to be, I would not be able to become the wife and mom I was called to be.  I needed to find myself.  

If you find yourself feeling these very same emotions and thoughts, you are not alone.  I know women don’t talk about this, because feeling out of control and discouraged in who you are, and confused, and unfulfilled, is not necessarily something anyone would like to bring out into the open.  But I can’t imagine me being the only one in this entire world to feel like that.  

Here is the thing, from a very young age we are told what we should do and what path to take.  Our parents, society, and friends tell us, “Go to school and get the best grades you can, and go to college and get a degree.  But that does not guarantee it will lead you into your God given purpose.  Although they me mean well, it may silence something very important in all of us.  Our passions and desires.

Here is something that I have learned along my journey to find myself.  God created me and planned every single day of my life before I was even a day old.  

Psalm 139: 13-16

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

Let stop there. How amazing and intimate that is.  That there is a moment in your lifetime that only God, your creator, knows you exist.  In this very moment God has written all your days with His wonderful and glorious plan.

In Jeremiah 29:11 Scripture says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

First of all, His plans for you are good. Second, He has planned all your days since before you were born, and third, you are His masterpiece and created to the good things he planned for you.

You have been made with a purpose.  There is a plan for you. Those plans have been laid down since the very beginning.  He created those delicate and inner parts of your body and in there somewhere He planted this seed that holds who you are meant to be.  There are desires and passions that you possess deep inside of you.  But perhaps, while trying to follow all the voices telling you, “Do this.” “Do that”, those passions and desires have been silenced.  And now you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, like there is something missing.  

Seek God who created you and he will reveal His will for you.  He will direct your path. This is the path that He has created for you to lead you to His will.  In Him lies the truth of who you are, and you will rediscover these passions and desires that you once had.  Allow God to lead you back to who you are.  He may have to disconnect you from certain people and places so you can be free to discover yourself.  

In my case, I disconnected from many close friends. Not because they were bad, but because I was so influence by them.  I truly admired them.  I was not created to be like anyone else. When I tried being and acting like someone I admired, it left me feeling like a failure. Why? Because I had weaknesses that they were strong in.  Its ok to have weaknesses. It is in our weakness that God’s strength is made perfect.  When I disconnected from everything that I allowed to influence me, then God was able to move in and work one on one with me.  His perfect plan and only that.  These passions and desires began to rise up from deep within me.  I Love to make others feel good. I love to let others know they are important and have a purpose.  I enjoy encouraging others.  That is my desire and passion and that is what I do.  When this was awakened form within me, I began to see myself with a new confidence in who I am.  I am may not be the best writer or speaker by society’s standards, but I know that God will fill in the gaps where I am weak.  I Know He will sustain me.

I encourage you to seek Him and begin to walk into the plan He has for you.  There is that girl inside of you that wants to just burst out, but she is being held down by all the words that have been spoken against her.  If you find yourself wondering if there is more to you than this, there is!.  Find yourself.  It is hidden in the Word of God.  And when these passions and desires are awakened, follow them.  As you begin to discover who you are, then you will become the woman that God planned for you to be.  Because I am confident in who God created me to be, I am a better mom and wife.